episode 3: 4th day of the month

thank god,

u know its 4th day of the month, A.

u know how i wait for this 4th day every month.

thank god,

u know u wont forget it this time.

:)

i appreciate it when u take noticed how i value our day, and u do the same.

i love you, for every action that show how much u love me back.

:)

Z,

july'09-ness

episode 2 : past 2 months

its been a while since the last episode.

through this rough 2 months, a lot had happened.. A LOT..

there are sweet memories, bitter and dark times as well.

i learnt a lot from it.

some of the things that really gave an impact in this roller coaster ride of my life :

1. tragedy february, 12th.

2. this year's valentine. =)

3. true meaning of friendship. includes VALUE and TYPE of friendship.

4. relationship with A.

5. hard times in life that really build the foundation of your inner-self.

(not sure whether foundation is the correct word for it)

6. fun times spent with them - i'll miss you guys the most.

7. whoever that stood beside me when im in 'pain'.

thanks to those people who has helped me a lot. you know who you are. *wink

thanks to those people who hurt me a lot too. because of you, im stronger than ever. =)

-enough said-

whatever happened, i believed and realized the are hidden meanings in each incidents and god has prepared the best route for me in life =)

p/s : sorry bloggie i've left you for a long time. hope i'll treat you better. ;>

Z,

facing finals.

episode 1 : pride and ego and dignity

" jatuh ker ego or pride or dignity seseorang if dia mintak maaf? "

been thinking bout it, a while..

if the answer is yes.. then i probably wont have any ego..

no dignity.. no pride.. what ever u calling it.

"perlu ke nak tunggu orang lain cakap maaf, baru boleh dia cakap maaf?"

if thats the case, dont bother saying sorry. i dont need it if its not really coming from the bottom of your heart. if you mean it, dont wait for others to start 1st.

"hina sangat ke diri ni sampai dia sesuka hati dia jer nak cakap pape bila-bila dia suka?"

if that so, you can call me your slave.

"harus ke diri ni tahan dengan perangai yang mudah lupa diri bila marah?"

if i dont love you, maybe i dont have to put up with that kind of attitude.

yes, you can say im blinded by love.

"berbaloi ke segala ape yang diri ni tanggung?"

if i can be happy in the end, maybe it worth the wait.

"susah sangat ke nak kawal diri atau ubah perangai buruk tanpa fikirkan ego?"

if you still want to maintain your ego, sir. then dont blame me if im your runaway slave.

p/s : no matter what u said, u r still in my heart. i will never forget this feeling of love.

Z,

-potential runaway slave-

episode 22 : LIMA 09.

30th nov until 4th dec.
went to langkawi. daddy has a job there. stuff to do with the lima thingy.
stayed at mutiara bay resort. the chalet we got, was facing the sea. soothing view. nice.
never got a chance before to see the show. i was pretty excited to tell u.

watched those jets by the side of the airport. it is cool. honestly,am proud of it! :)
watched them do those formations and styles. awesome. some experience!

then, too bad for me. i got sick.
high fever. bad tonsils. spinning head.
full package.
still doesnt stop me from walking around.

thought we wont be able to take few snaps with those jets.
coz its only open to public on 5th. we'll be gone by then.
daddy did a good job in getting the passes to let us in.
actually thanks to our neighbour who worked for the LIMA's organizer.
he got us those passes.
ok. ok. ok. thanks to u too daddy.if u didnt make the call,we wont get it either.
happy dad??



getting those passes just make the trip perfect.
ouh i thought i found gamat.
it looks yucky.. still managed to put it in the plastic bag and named it GaGa.
i really really thought its the real gamat. i wanna bring it home.

then this uncle said, "ouhh tu bukan gamat.. tu BUTUH KELING"
im liked... what the fuckk???
what in the hell is butuh keling. well it looks like shit. i mean serious shit.


told u so.


i dont even know why i think its gamat.



till then. later..

love,
Z.

-got sunburnt-

episode 21 : end of sem & MatsuJun!!

Umedetto!!!! (congrats in jap)
Banzai!! (hurray in jap)
umedetto n banzai because finally 3rd sem has finished!! :D

exams are pretty tough.. *sigh..
since when exams are easy anyway???
enough said!

my new addiction right now are japanese's soap opera n matsumoto jun!!!!
hikhikhik.

-MatsuJun aka Matsumoto Jun-




matsujun is a member of Arashi, quite popular boyband in japan.
derang nih ala-ala n'sync laa..
hahhaa..

i'll upload one of the arashi's vclip later aite..

love,
Z
-matsumoto-kun, ai shi teru!! -

episode 20 :3months of love.

Its already 3months, im in a relationship with A.
well.. thats 3months of an official relationship.
yang x official i think nearly a year..
huhuh..
cant believe it myself..
though he drove me crazy with his attitude of manje, mengade, sensitive, and all.. he still make me fall for him every time he shows that attitude of protective, super-loving, thoughtful, charismatic, fun, poetic (sometimes) and so much more..
hahhah.. i super-love you, darling!




hate to admit that im in a long distance relationship. used to hate that kind of r/ship..
but im in one now. it is hard. where all you have to keep the relationship are only love and trust.

do i trust him? yes.
do i love him? super-yes.

i am sure that he loves me too.. but does he trust me?
that im not 100% sure. *sigh..

well,i cant blame him that much as he's feeling insecure as im freely out here while he's living hell in there. i tried to make him put that sacred trust in me. but due to some unwanted series of events, he has chosen to not put that 100% trust in me.
i understand him. maybe i would do the same if i were in his shoe.

but darling, do know this..
i love you with all of my heart. i am a crazy and wild (sometimes) bitch. but im only doing it because there's so much in life that i dont want to miss and i want to taste every bit of it in my youth years.
above all, i put u on top of everything. i'll make sure, you wont get hurt coz of my doings. i'll make sure, you got my full commitment and love.
oraite darling?
you are my everything in life. could not bear a day without you, starting from hearing you say 'good morning baby' until you put me to sleep with your sweet good night wishes.


i look forward for every 4th day of every month so we can cherish the memorable event that happened on the 4th july.

sayang, i love you with each of my heart beat. i love you from the beginning til the end.
happy 3 months darling. hope your happy with me. : j
mwahhxx..

love,
Z
heart you sayang.

episode 19 : white flag??

as james morrison said, 'love is hard'.
as you all know, its true.

things with A sometimes are rough. yeah, all relationships have their ups and downs.
same goes with mine. BUT, the question is,how much longer can i put up with this shit?
its not that im not happy with him. i am!
i know who i want. its him!
i know who i want to be with. its him!

people have their own flaws. and there's no way im not 1 of them.
i try to make myself a better person for you. and still trying..
im not sure whether u noticed it or not.
maybe u do,but choose to not acknowledge it.
or ur just not good in expressing ur appreciation to people.

wtv it is...i dont mind doing anything to keep the relationship going.
but, i could use some appreciation from you.
it kills me everytime knowing,what i did seems not enough to you.
are they really not enough or you just too demanding?
i dont want to play the role of a boyfriend in a relationship.
yes, i know there should be give and take.
i dont want to 'give' all the time. i love to 'take' too..

i know things are hard for you in 'there'..
but darling, things aint easy for me out here too..
i'm always here for you.
and i know, u'll be there when i need you but, will you always be there??


p/s : am i seeing myself raising a white flag in this silent 'war'?
does it worth the consequences?
too much ques, barely have an answer to each of them.
1 thing for sure. i really love you.


love,
Z.
-begging u to understand.-

episode 18 : updates

its been a while..
and a lot happened.

for a start, i managed to finish up ' The Thousand Splendid Suns'. quite an accomplishment i supposed. glad i could make it. ;)
now moving on to 'The Wedding' by Nicholas Sparks who is also an author for 'The Notebook' and 'Walk To Remember'. i think..huhu
and also 'A Place Called Here' by Cecelia Ahern. ever heard of 'P/S I Love You'? She wrote that.



next, cant contact my dear darling anymore. the fone been crushed to bits and pieces by fucking stupid people. so im left alone. n i really really miss him now..
why he has to be so far away from me? this relationship been testing me ever since it started.
is the love worth it all..worth the wait..worth the hardship.
is there any true love at all?? i wonder....

then, studies.
next week gonna be cramped up with heaps of project works..paper works..presentation..tests and quizzes.. now i really think that 24hours a day is never enough.
can u please make it 48 hours a day,O'God?
huhuh.. still wonder would that be enough or later would be too long for a day..
*sigh* humans never have enough..do we?? ;p

ouh lastly..
painfully, there's been a wild gossip spreading around the cycle of friends in puncak.
its not like i've never been gossiped before.. just this time i think they went overboard!
1st of all, thank you for making me the center of your conversation.. thank you for all your concerns about me. I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH GUYS! -rolled eyes-
yes i know, people talk and there's nothing we can do about it because realised it or not, we might have done the same to others even to our close friends, right?? haha..

anyway, lets look ahead and pray for a better and brighter day.
those are just the bitter sweet of life which would taught and made us more matured in leading a life. ;D


p/s : last 4th Sept 09, is our 2nd monthsary! happy 2months darling!
love you! <3


love,
z.
-ramadhan.cant wait for eidulfitri-

episode 17 : Ramadhan! 0: )

time really flies..
and now its ramadhan.
not to forget, exams are on this week too..
haih..

hate exams..as if nobody dont..
hehe...

for this ramadhan..saya berazam untuk finish up reading a book lend to me..
this is a BIG task for me..as i dont read novels that much..
TETAPI..walaubagaimanapun -ceyhh-
saya akan berjaya juga..no matter how long it takes! ahahhaha

ouh..just for the record..
Mum bought me a new elle shades..
hahhaha..
sangat baik hati yer maa..
thank you anyway..
jasamu akan ku kenang jua..
:-D


p/s : sepatut nya ramadhan nih berazam la nak wat amal jariah sket..
nih, berazam nk bace buku jer..
hehehe.. =p


love,
Z
-happy ramadhan!-

episode 16 : Vaingloriously!

thats it people! this girl cant handle it anymore!
she wants it..and she wants it bad!
hahhahaa..
i know its a bit outdated that i want to say this right now..
but i've been searching for the perfect one..for agess...now i just want to share it with the world!
ok people, if you ever spotted one that have the same critereas as pictures below..
please..pleasee let me know where it is..
*wink..wink*

so far the dresses that i've found and i truly fall in love with are like rm100 and above..
and sebagai student yang tidak lah berapa nak kembung sangat purse nye..i can only touch and wave goodbye to the dress..huhuhu :(

look at this,girls :

im in love with the dress just like in the 1st picture..the blue printed maxi dress..(not the one with actual girl wearing it.)

the design,the shape, everything is perfect..
*sighh..

so again people...
if you ever see one that you think i might like it..
please dont hesitate to let me know aite..

huhuhuh...

p/s : when i tell this to a friend of mine..this person straightly said "vaingloriously izzati"..
hahha..dont really care if it suits me or not..
its all about the maxi dress!!! nyahaha..


love,
Z
-me want dress!-

episode 15 : pretend - all the right moves

It was late yeah but you were awake
You asked for a cigarette, then asked me to stay
The scent that you wore sent dirty thoughts to my brain
Yeah your smile turns me insane
It was then we got lost in a dream,
When we woke we found some distance between
Yeah cuz, you keep running, you keep running away

I'm ready to fall, and I am,
I'm ready to take, what I can
I Keep running, I Keep running away

It was raining when you told me leave
You were complaining I was out of your league
The night it was draining, I was feeling fatigued
So I nodded off to sleep
It was then I saw the light from the sun,
When I woke up I knew the magic was gone
All cuz, you keep running, you keep running away

I'm ready to fall, and I am,
I'm ready to take, what I can
I Keep running, I Keep running away

Can we live this moment over again,
I know we're not lovers but we can pretend
We can sail across the world in the sheets of your bed.


p/s : Millions thanks and apologies to B.
your words will never be forgotten.
:)


love,
Z.

episode 14 : Memoirs of a fateful starry night

smiles exchanged,
stories told,
feeling estranged,
daring and bold.

glances from around unimportant,
as we got closer,
staying closer yet for comfort,
wondering if you were a good kisser.

you held me in a trance,
my question answered,
enjoying every chance,
while my heartbeat fastened.

wind blowing on our faces,
staring at the stars,
the colour of the sky changes,
light shining down in spirals.

was it fate,
that i met you that night,
was it a mistake,
that we stayed together til the break of new light.

p/s : a beautiful yet thoughtful poem shall be appreciated.
;)
thanks B.

episode 13 : Russia..hahah

yesterday..met up with wadie..
a friend from russia..

- fyi : a malaysian,studying medic in russia-

hahha..lepak at jj near my house..make a full tour around jj..
never thot the jj is that big!! hahaha

then he gave me a cute lil souvenir from there..


fyi : bile si comel ijau nih digoncang-goncangkan..
ader cam glitter confetti beterbangan di dalam crystal-like ball tuh..
hehehe..sgt cantik + comel...

its a 1st time meeting him as a friend..
he's okayh..just nice..kepale agak sengal..
bagus itu ok..

just cant wait for him to bring his shesha from russia..
mix the flava with milk..
gona smoke it like hell...
hehehhe..

yippeee... =D


love,
Z
-nk shesha!!-

episode 12 :

bumped into this 1video by the japanese musician..
playing Saxophone...damn..
saye totally cair yer apabile terdengar bunyi sax..

check out this video : njoy!




p/s : i dedicate this video to my A*** A*****,
and to all of my darling friends...
;)

episode 11 : missing him!

its already been 9 days he's not around..
cant do much bout it.
gotta wait until 3months..
i dont know how am i gonna survive this 3 months,..
its been so cold..so lonely without him around..

yeah,if you ask am i into him??
i'll say not just into him..I LOVE HIM..
thank you very much..

its not the same when he's away..
day might look the same..
but it feels empty..

he's the best..aint gona find the same to replace him..
no one can replace him..

hope it'll stay this way..
coz people will only appreciate things that are gone..
*sigh..

- besides that.. -

living in uitm shah alam has been killing me..!!
note this.. KILLING ME!!!

gosh..why me?? whyyy???
with super bullet train-like course..
with people acting out weirdly and differently
things has gone topsy-turvy for me!

mama said : kate nak wat fast track...so deal with it..
my otak said : thank you very much for your lovely SUPPORT maa..really HELPS me alot!!
-rolled eyes-

student life should be fun!
student life should be amazing!
student life should be happy!

how can this be fun,amazing and happy with all of this stressness and pressure??
fuck la weyhhh..

finals is next week..
damn..a month just passed-by like that??
ok..maybe not so a month..
its 3weeks..but still!
sriously..im not ready for the finals.. :s

wish me all the best..and pray for me..
hope i can do this and passed with flying colours!

p/s : honey darling, take care of yourself..i'm here waiting..
i miss you like crazy..got no more tears for you..all dried up..
i love you like crazy..
mwahxxx..~


missing you,
Z..
xoxo.

episode 10 : bronze!!

hola holie helo..
got back from masum in perlis on monday..straight to main campus for damn short course. shit!
its damn hectic..damn tired..
but thinking back bout it..a week in perlis..it was all worth it ..worth of an experience..
never join any sports before..for a 1st time in my life,im surrounded by all the sportsmen and sportswomen..
i feel glad..honoured..flattered.. :D

the best part is..i won a bronze medal for the individual karate kumite..
my 1ST MEDAL EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..
yeah..sounds a bit pathetic,but who gives a damn???
our team won alot of medal for karate..well sort of..
kinda proud of the team..we didnt train that well enough..yet manage to win some medals..

it was some experience for me..1 of the best part of my life..
so im gona take diz karate thingy for serious..
its fun..gotta to enlarge networks..hehehe

i really do respect the uia team..they're good..yet nice..
especially the team captain..abg iman!
hahaha..sgt comel..
but his movement...sgt sharp n cantik..
hope can learn from him doo..
hihih

lastly..wish me the best for karate..

p/s : gona post some pics after diz aite.. mwahx2..

luv,
Z.
heiiyaaa..!

episode 9 : a bit settled down~

finally..transformed my bloggie..
hehe..hope i wont have to change it anymore.. ;)

now,at last! costing paper is over! its like 7/8 hell of a burden is off the shoulder!
thats just leave the islamic studies paper and english paper.
cant wait to get them finish. ;D

moving on to social life cycle..
A is back people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yippeeee....
now i dont have to worry anymore..dont have to search for A anymore.it feels good that A is back.
hehe..just love to know that A is around. it somehow makes me feel safe.and most important : comfortable.

ouh and about the karate thingy.
cant imagine my hectic life gonna start in a few days! bencii arrhh..
actually i dont think i can go far..if i survived a few rounds,its already damn fucking good enough.
im in this martial art not more than half a year..its only been a few months..
so whatever it is,glad to join it and gain new experience!
heyy..atleast gotta give some credit for being able to be selected..aint it? heehehe... :D

til then,
love,
z..

p/s : u know u miss me.. ^^

episode 8 : refreshing!

goshh..its been a while..
this blog is still under-construction..havent got a full time to spend on it..
been busy with my life lately! pluss examssss...heh..
anyway..gotta refresh this shitty blog..coz we sure dont wanna look the same as everybody else..dont we??
hiahahahha..
til then..catch ya later..
mwahx3..

love,
Z.

episode 7 : karate!

wooohooooo!!!!!!!!!!
im definitely going to UUM for masum. ( majlis sukan universiti malaysia) =D
cant believe it either.im going under karate club..
izzati n karate???
hahhaa...cant believe it..but as adidas said it : impossible is nothing..
n i remember sir nike said,"just do it!"
hahahha..

so im going on 13th may until 19th..
damn..it also means no 1weeek holiday for me..sad =(
right after that,im straight in for the intersession..
god! life gonna be damn hectic..atleast i got an xcuse to escape from the stupid perfact camp..
hehehhe...camping is not really my thing..though they said its fun..

on other note,
i miss A so much...
why A is doing this to me..
("-)


love,
Z
xoxo...

episode 7 : men..~

havent talk to him for a quite a long time. Ever since that day,he dissappear from my life..
i tried to contact him..no use.
he completely erase me from his life. but why? why must he do that? what happen to all of his promises? just a bunch of sweet words structured to make me feel good? foolish me.
or am i being too selfish? think bout me and how i feel all the way long while he's been sacrifising everything?
im sorry if im being a monster upon you.

all of a sudden..he called!
but there's silence..
talk to me,A!! goshh..
i dunno what's in your mind..whatever it is..im sorry..

next..
guilty possessed me when im in contact with D.
but im only doing it as a friend..
somehow i love the guilty pleasure..
haha..cant blame me for that. D is kinda interesting..plus nothing is wrong with enlarging the network..aint it?
;p

ouhh..just now..i bumped into J's page..
gotta give credit to him for having a new gf..
cepat jer ann..haha..
what happen to that poor lil I..hahha..
no wonder people saw her crying the other day..some said its about J..
maybe my friends are right...he could be a so called playboy.
but i see him differently..not a player..but in desperate!
desperate for love..
ouh well...hope your happy J.

then..it's N.
im afraid that he's having a high expectation from me. im not gonna be your rebound girl..
im here as your friend..plus if i do wanna go further in it..he's just too far away..anyway,it wouldnt be fun anymore..hahah..gotta enjoy the youth!

things with I..as usual..sometimes he's there..sometimes he's not..
another crush that will never work..
yeah..he called sometimes..but then thats it..heh..

another one is E..
we had lunch yesterday..
nice of him to treat me for a lunch..and rushed here after his video shooting..
spent the day with him..he's nice i can say..
but then, there's something bout him that sometimes make me feel like i cant really rely on him..
as people said, nobody is perfect..accept him the way he is..as you want others to accept the way you are..

okay..okay..
sometimes i do feel like i want him..sometimes i dont..
hehhe..
but 1 thing for sure..
i fuckingly miss A!

till then..later..
Z..